We sometimes think of our children as very fragile and negative experiences might damage their developing self -esteem. Science has proven that is just not true. Achievement and conquering obstacles is what builds self-esteem.
Give your children opportunities to figure out problems on their own and solve their issues in their own way and you will foster independence, development and creativity. Encourage them to try again. When your two year old is learning to feed themselves, don't worry about the mess or the food in their hair. Let them gain confidence by doing.
Be a cheerleader. Stay on the sidelines. Don't rush in immediately to rescue. Let them try, try again. Let them think about it and figure it out. When my daughter was participating in a program called Joy School, there was a little song and story that repeated the words "Fred, Fred, Use your Head" to encourage independent problem solving.
Robert Epstein, a psychologist, says "You want to be supportive without rushing to do everything for her, especially when the task is only something they can learn through trial and error or repetition." Help them to understand that failure is part of a normal process of trying, growing and changing. Normalize failure by letting him know that he is not the only one who doesn't get things right the first time trying. Model good behavior by being kind and understanding of your mistakes and the mistakes of others. Saying "Oops I dropped my ice cream cone", rather than making a scene or yelling about it will do wonders.
Perfection can't be our goal. It isn't necessary and often isn't even attainable. Boost confidence by recognizing change and improvement. Create activities that make learning fun and enjoyable and let your child try new things in a non-threatening way.
While failure is part of the normal human experience, it doesn't have to dictate our final accomplishments. Walt Disney got fired from a newspaper job when the editor told him he "lacked imagination"; Oprah Winfery got fired from her first TV job as a reporter being told she was "unfit for TV" and Bill Gates first business, Traf-o-Data, failed miserably. What did all of these eventual success stories do next? They didn't let failure stop them from trying again and again. Success will follow persistence and hard work. Whether your little one is learning to tie their shoes, sound out difficult words or running for student body office, letting them experience a little frustration and challenge from failure will only make them stronger and more prepared for the success they will find in future endeavors. Failure and success---both necessary essentials! Have a great week. Love, Katie
