Keeping your calm!

Control your temper and keep conflict under control 

 

Use one of these temper-taming tactics to find your calm or avoid conflict altogether:

Be objective: When seeing someone lose control of their emotions, ask yourself "what can I learn from this situation?". Think about what led to the explosion of feelings and loss of control.  Thinking about how and why other people experience anger can help you recognize and diffuse your own feelings when the time comes.

Find common ground-One way to neutralize a potential conflict with another person is to find a point that you can both agree on.  If there is nothing to argue about, contention is avoided.

Get some air!  A little oxygen and a quiet place can help you get perspective.  Step away from the situation, concentrate on control of your breathing and allow yourself to relax for a few minutes.  This will help to ease your mind and help you to figure out what triggered your anger and how to deal with it productively.

Be prepared for conversations-Sometimes confrontational conversations need to happen.  Have them be as constructive as possible.  For me practicing the crucial things I need to say in private, in front of a mirror, sitting in my car alone or making an outline of topics to cover have all been effective.  Practicing helps organize your thoughts and makes you focus on what is most important.  Don't allow yourself to be distracted by small annoyances or things that don't really matter. 

Choose a neutral topic- Talking about the weather, food or celebrity gossip will allow you to detour the conversation from whatever is considered offensive or negative.  Moving to neutral ground helps you to gain perspective in the heat of the moment. It allows you to refocus and change directions.

Write it down- Write out grievances and concerns.  Give voice to the emotions you are feeling.  Getting that out and organizing what your issues are will help you gain perspective.  Then you can focus on the issues you can do something about.  Keep a private journal or better yet, after you have a clarified perspective, shred your written document.

Close the door and yell! Sometimes getting the aggression out is necessary and healthy.  Doing it in private, behind closed doors, allows you to get frustration out of your system and cool off without an audience.  Give yourself 10 minutes to say whatever you need to and then switch gears to a more constructive mind set for a real conversation with the person you need to speak with.

Good luck with your efforts to keep calm!  It's an essential!